FAMILY BONDING

FAMILY BONDING

The family unit was meant by God to be the place where members can count on safe nurture from others, a place to get their emotional and spiritual needs met.
Family bonding is like a “filling station” where needs for love, security, significance are met so that family members have strength to go out and interact in the world and with each other.
This is met through: Warm times of telling stories
Saying prayers at bedtime
Times of conversation over the dinner table about the days events
Sharing painful hurts from school or work and having tears
permitted
Times for assurance no matter how hard things are in the outside
world, everything at home is OK or it can be talked about
times when parents show there vulnerability and thus let their
children know that their parents are human, too

Why are human attachments so important?
Because none of us are complete in ourselves. God designed us with an attachment system. God pronounced after each creative act “It is good”. After Adam’s creation
God said “It is very good”. And he also says “It is not good for man to be alone”.
This of course is quoted in the context of marriage. God has fashioned the universe
so that relationship is the fuel for all growth. It is not a deficit to need connection,
attachment, bonding.

What part does the family play in bonding?
The family is the crucible in which our bondedness is either developed and enhanced
Or injured and impaired.
God has made the family an incubator in which our basic sense of trust and dependency
Is formed in thousands of experiences over time. If our emotional needs were met in the
Family, we will experience a sense of bondedness throughout our lives. If our emotional needs are ignored or met inconsistently or there’s trauma during this stage, we will
Experience a feeling of aloneness and emptiness.

The components of family bonding are:
SAFETY: Will I be protected, kept safe?
E.g. An adult sneezes loudly. The baby is startled. He cries. Some infants require only a little holding and they are calmed down. Others require minutes of holding and comforting before they relax again. Why the different responses? It is the number of consistent, predictably loving experiences the parent gives the child. Predictability is not rigidity; for the infant it means when they cry they will be comforted. Consistency is not rigidity; it means when they cry they will be nurtured and comforted time after time until a reliable pattern is formed and mom or dad can be counted on. Calm is not the
absence of stimulation but stimulation that the baby can absorb. It doesn’t overpower or
frighten the infant.

IDENTITY: Can I be me?
I have the same needs as other infants, but I have a unique way asking for them to be met.
I cannot be me if my environment is scary, traumatic, full of conflict or non-interactive
non-responsive and silent. An absent parent, physically or emotionally leaves me with a weak identity, filled with struggles about who I am.

TRUST: Will I be accepted?
The ability to communicate our needs and have them met is the foundation of trust.From an adult perspective – words, voice intonation, body-language, warmth through touch
promote trust.

Bonding is the emotional investment they have in one another. One way to define bonding at it’s core is to say “I matter to someone”. You cannot really spoil a child
during the first year of life by picking them up too much. The goal during the first year of life is to create a sense of security. You do that by being responsive and sensitive to
the child’s cries.